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AnimePunk204
03-20-2005, 08:06 AM
Heres a comic thats due on monday. -_-. Its not really comical... Anyways I need any comment or suggestions. Im making a second page as we speak.
Click Here (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v210/crankyoldman/anime/page1.jpg)

j0n
03-20-2005, 08:12 AM
its good..... and funny...... and plus...i like your style A LOT!.


ps: you're aburame shino too!

JohnnyLovesYou
03-20-2005, 08:13 AM
You should make bigger gutters, I think it would be easier to follow if you did. Also whats with the first panel?

AnimePunk204
03-20-2005, 08:41 AM
O yea I forgot to explain.... Thats the title panel.... -_- sorry about that.

Keep the suggestions coming. What do u guys suggest for the second page? I was gonna have him give some flowers to his buried pet and leave... Only that idea is pretty crappy...

JohnnyLovesYou
03-20-2005, 08:51 AM
Make the ENTIRE graveyard come back to life. Then he goes into a guitar solo and their heads explode from the sonic awesome.

I'm not kidding. I swear.

Adkit
03-20-2005, 09:23 AM
That could actually work out to be a pretty cool anime-rock-ballad-music-video...but only if you follow Mr. Johnny's advice. XD

Eric87
03-20-2005, 09:33 AM
I like the "Wah" sound effect the Zombie dog makes! If you go for Mr. Johnny's idea, be sure to have the graveyard getting jiggy before they explode. I like the style, simple, but very effective.

AnimePunk204
03-20-2005, 09:41 AM
I thought only finished comic and seq.'s were supposed to go in the "Comic Seq"

Thanx for moving it. :)

I think I'll go with the guitar solo thing. Its gonna look weird without amp...

But then what? He cant just go to the pet cemetary to unexpectedly have to fight undead pets...

Shall he find his pet after the sonic attack, and simply walk out saying "Let's go home..." ?

And maybe his pet can still be all rotted like?

Eric:I was going for a simple yet effective style because I would never finish in time if I hadnt. lol

Johnny: Your my new best friend I really like that solo idea. Initially, I was gonna have him revive his pet playing a solo. But the solo massacre idea is awesome!

JohnnyLovesYou
03-20-2005, 10:00 AM
Ahahahha.
He could plug his guitar into the grave of the first zombie guy and then use its dark energies on the rest of the zombies. And then he could find his pet, play a couple notes to revive it, say something clever and leave.
Or something.

yannas
03-20-2005, 10:02 AM
this looks like Gorillaz "Clint Estwood" video

UnknownFluke
03-20-2005, 01:35 PM
Very nice Punk. I love your style in drawing. I especially love the expression of the guy in the 8th? frame with the question marks. If you decide to go with Johnny's idea of the solo you could always draw an amp I used to have on him. Its a little prototype amp no bigger than a pack of cigarettes. Sounded pretty good for only having a 2 1/2 inch spreaker in it. it would clip on my belt and I could play guitar while walking around the house. Just an idea.

Fishlike Samurai
03-20-2005, 01:58 PM
Or, you give him like, this backpack, with this really big speaker and some additional instruments (a little hormonica with sniper-sounds perhaps? :P). Btw, what exactly is the story going to be? Zombie fighting? Search of dead loved ones?

*edit*
I'm Shino too! :D

the shining
03-20-2005, 02:02 PM
Great job. But what's going on. I understand the page itself but what's the storyline.

AnimePunk204
03-20-2005, 04:25 PM
yes youre right...I dont even know where im going with it. Im gonna have him play a short rythm. As he plays a ball of energy forms in the sky and when he finishes, the ball of energy scatters and kills. Then He walks to his pets grave, plays melody, and revives his pet. The pet will still be all rotted though. He will be a demon dog looking thing...(If I can draw that..-_-)

Im limited to this page so I gotta find a way to fit the story and crap in this final page.

Heres my progress...Sorry for the crappy quality. Im taking pictures of them and I had to modify the pencils on this one so u could see it.
Click Here For Image (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v210/crankyoldman/anime/page2unfin.jpg)

JohnnyLovesYou
03-20-2005, 04:37 PM
Haha nice. Hope you finish it soon.

AnimePunk204
03-20-2005, 05:09 PM
I have to... Its due tommorow. 0_0

AnimePunk204
03-20-2005, 08:58 PM
Heres the finished last page? Any comments...? Im not gonna change it because its too late but I appreciate comments. I'll try to tidy this up at skool before art class so it wont look so rushed. I would have liked to change and add stuff but I had started too late... :tear:

So let this be a lesson to u and myself. Dont wait to the last day to finish something thats due the next day.

Click for Finished second page. (http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v210/crankyoldman/anime/page2.jpg)

Now I gotta go sleep.... my eyes hurt... :tear:

ben2theedge
03-21-2005, 03:43 AM
I agree about the gutters. Some varying line widths would be nice in future pages as well. And I would make it so his guitar shoots tangeable bolts of rock n' roll energy that electrocute his enemies. (NOTE: Ignore that last sentence.)

Fishlike Samurai
03-21-2005, 04:23 AM
I'll repeat my question......what is the story actually? I don't mean like what's going to happen next page but I mean like the central thought of the entire series.

Eulark
03-21-2005, 05:18 AM
i think this is pretty good. but....it could use the tiding but since you dont intend to change it i will let it rest with saying, the nonverbal communication works on some parts of this, and others it doesnt. and with the sound effects, make them more dynamic and bigger. maybe try using some comic lettering(downloadable). and what is the story? i mean i thinbkn iknow what it is, but only from what u told us. the story should show itself.

AnimePunk204
03-21-2005, 05:18 AM
This is just random. Its for skool so I dont need an entire story. He basically goes to the cemetary to revive his late pet and goes home. Nothin special about that.

The goal for this project was to make sequential art and to show:

A side view
close up
front view
far shot

and to show some required emotions which I have forgotten already....

so thats about it...

If i make a new comic it'll really have a story and I wont be doing it for skool.

UnknownFluke
03-22-2005, 02:40 PM
tangeable bolts of rock n' roll energy that electrocute his enemies.

LoL I don't know why but this really made me laugh.

Anyways, Good job on the two pages Punk. I agree somewhat about the gutters but if it was just a school project and not a continuing storyline I wouldn't worry about it too much. Oh and make sure you let us know what kind of grade you got on this.

AnimePunk204
03-23-2005, 04:08 PM
He hasnt graded me yet but, he really liked it. Now he wants me to draw the comic on the skool paper next year. Its one frame every 2 months. I hate publicity...even if its just a skool.

he(being the art teacher)

UnknownFluke
03-24-2005, 11:49 AM
Even if you hate publicity (And what artist doesn't $_$) it is awesome that he recognizes your work enough to want you in the paper. Now I guess how much he likes it will be evident in the grade he gives you.

Eiyuu_Kou
04-19-2005, 12:37 PM
I think you jacked an idea from the games of MoFunZone...

Tanalius
04-19-2005, 02:48 PM
I think it was cute. But he should have rocked out harder on page 2! He rocked out half hearted. Where was the hea dbanging action? Why didnt he smash his guitar in the ground at the end of the solo! ;-;

Adkit
04-20-2005, 08:59 AM
...Why didnt he smash his guitar in the ground at the end of the solo! ;-;

Because it would break? Those things are pretty expensive, you know. :P