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VTS_v2.0
04-20-2005, 06:41 AM
Hey everyone...I just started making this comic called Cram Session. I just wanted to get the news out there. The link is in my sig. Crits welcome. I'll post later with a the premise of the story.

Max T2K
04-20-2005, 10:36 AM
Hey VTS just took a look at your cartoon strip. It's mostly ok apart from a few angles are too basic and don't suggest the movement and energy that I think you wanted. e.g. The door opening frame was face on and gives no impression of power and is pritty boring. One way you could improve it would be to add another scene of the foot hitting the door before it is swung open and this will also help to prepare the viewer for the characters being introduced.

Speaking of introducing you don't seem to have done this. Your characters just seem to suddenly appear and start comunicating without any noticible difference in thier personalities. Considering that these two are your main characters you should have established thier personalities more profoundly for the viewer to recognise them and to have introduced them one at a time so that they stick indervidualy in the viewers memory. Remember the golden rule of new comics:

"The reader is stupid!"

So make it as simple and easy as posible. The reader doesn't know the characters as well as you do so give them time (Don't rush things) and spend a bit of time before improving their personalities so that it is not such a shock for the for the reader.

Remeber first impressions mean A LOT!

Revise the introduction and post again. Don't worry noone is born a comic genius it just takes time and practise.

Keep going.

VTS_v2.0
04-20-2005, 11:07 AM
thanks max i appreciate it. i've been trying to wrap my head around the introducing part and haven't been able to and just thought why not have the characters appear, and then develop something later. I see what you're getting at and i think i will do that

VTS_v2.0
05-14-2005, 10:19 AM
Well...I'm bringin this back to the top of the threads cuz i've done some changes to my comic...crits would be nice but not necessary...just wanted to get the word out about it

Max T2K
06-09-2005, 09:59 AM
Hey VTS soz for the late reply I've been a bit busy.

Just took a look at your comic and this is definatly an improvement from the first version I saw so keep it up.

I really like the way you've set up the frame ( especially the first page ) but don't stop there because there are infinate ways of arranging the page to inspire different emotions and interpritations in a scene as well as being easy on the eyes and artisticly beautiful. ( Don't be afrade to use small or overlapping frames or even to use up the whole page with a single image. I find that using small frames now and then to show a yet to be unintroduced character in, let say, a crowd or walking down a street helps to pull the viewers atention to the mystery of the character )

I do also realy like how this story is going with the different characters and thier relationships but I did find it slightly laking in places.

Firstly in the queueing scene you need to show other people and when the two characters bump into each other show it happening and show some more emotion in this scene to set up the live triangle between the characters.

Hope to see more.