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Old 06-24-2007, 08:44 PM   #1
Durandal 5150
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Default Greywind:T-21 R-2 And Culture Notes. (11/30 update.)

EDIT: The original post is null, since it contained the now defunct original version of part 1. Which sucked. So for your safety it has been put in the spoiler below. You have been warned.


Spoiler:
I really need an opinion on this thing here. it's rather old, And i'm debating rewriting it, but nobody ever gave me enough imput to tell what exactly is wrong. i can pick out some of it, but still, I'm not sure about some.

It's a bit wierd, be forewarned, and this is just part one. I did a bit of work on part 2, But I don't want to go much further until i've got a Crit n' Fix on this...

PART 1

Greywind marveled for the thousandth time at the huge amount of firepower such a tiny foe could produce, as she sat pinned behind one of the berms the enemy had abandoned, the defensive turrets around the Terran city blasting wildly at anything that moved, and several things that didn't.

Along that same line of thought, she found herself wondering why they were invading this colony anyway. What purpose could its capture possibly serve? All the facilities and equipment here were made for the Terrans, meaning it was all roughly six times too small. To assimilate the population? They wouldn't cooperate, they never did, and even if her people practiced slavery, Greywind couldn't see the Terrans making good slaves, except perhaps that there were so damn many of them.

It was at this point that her train of thought was suddenly derailed, as a barrage of fire hit the turrets, shredding them. That would mean she was expected to go find something to kill. She sighed, not caring much for her line of work, and heaved herself over the berm, beginning her run towards the enemy lines.

She charged towards what was left of the enemy’s defensive line, a single tank and a handful of infantry, neither of which concerned her much, seeing as she towered over both. She sent a flurry of las-bolts from her rifle at the tank, obliterating it outright, and managed to get off a single shot at the infantry, vaporizing the unlucky soldier that the las-bolt hit. She only got off that one shot at them before she had closed too far to make effective use of her rifle, except as an improvised club. The Terran soldiers fired their rifles at her, but even for all their skill and well placed shots, the tiny bullets and las-bolts skidded off of her armor without so much as scratching it.

Greywind swung her rifle at one of the infantrymen, killing him instantly, but throwing his shattered corpse several hundred feet away (to the Terrans) nonetheless. She kicked at one of the others, then spun around to club another atop the head. After only a few moments, she had easily dispatched them all, but that isn't saying much, seeing as the Terran soldiers were barely a foot tall, (to her anyway, the Terrans of course viewed her and her people as 36 foot giants, but she put no thought into that.)

She reloaded her rifle and walked into the city to help mop up any enemy resistance. Greywind again couldn't help but marvel at the scale of things in the city. She found it somewhat disorienting to always be looking into the fourth floor windows of every building she passed. As she walked down the street, Greywind came to the realization that she was still wearing her helmet, which was more than a little uncomfortable.

She twisted the helmet, releasing its atmospheric latches, and pulled it off. So doing, she shook her head vigorously, unbundling her long white hair. She ran a hand through her hair, cringing when she realized how sweaty and dirty it had become over the past several days. She lifted her helmet, studying the reflection in the visor. She had deep green eyes, blue skin, and delicately pointed ears. Her features were sharp, but not elven, in nature. This was old news to her, and all she really noticed was how dirty and sweaty her face and hair were, even though she had only taken her helmet off for half a day, maybe two days ago, so where all the dirt had come from, she didn't know.

Greywind turned and continued walking, strapping her helmet casually to her belt and shouldering her rifle. After awhile with no sign of an enemy, she became more comfortable with her surroundings, and found herself studying things with undisguised curiosity, nudging abandoned vehicles with the toe of her boot, and casually bending various posts to see how strongly they were constructed. (Not very, in her opinion.)

So preoccupied was she with peering into buildings and testing the weight of various vehicles that she didn't notice the Terran tank until it was almost on top of her. She stood up from the crouch she had been in, looking into one of the smaller buildings, just in time to save her life, as the armor piercing shell from the tank struck her in the thigh instead of the chest.

She screamed in pain, reflexively grasping at her leg, but got herself under control and jumped at the tank. She barely avoided yelling out as she landed, as a jolt of almost unbearable agony shot through her leg, but found herself now very close to the Terran tank. She grabbed the barrel with both hands, and with a burst of strength the likes of which is brought on only by absolute rage, bent it to nearly a ninety degree angle. This did nothing to stop the panicked Terran gunner from pulling the trigger, and the back blast from the stopped shell cooked off the tanks magazine.

It exploded in a colossal ball of fire, vaporizing the crew and throwing Greywind through the air to smash into a building, wrecking it. Greywind was barely clinging onto consciousness at this point. Her armor had saved her from the worst of it, but her leg was bleeding horribly, and she felt that several of her bones might be broken. She got one last look at the Terran city, and thought she saw several small forms crawl from the rubble to look curiously at her, she tried to pick herself up to get a better look, if not defend herself, but blacked out instead.
-----------------------------------------------------
Please, bring anything you see as wrong to my attention, be either it the writing or the subject or nitpicks and nerdy technical issues.

P.S. Maybe i should try something other than war stories? ...nah.

Last edited by Durandal 5150 : 11-30-2007 at 01:25 PM.
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Old 06-24-2007, 09:13 PM   #2
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It's pretty decent.... kinda a cool foundation, but it's really lacking a lot of details.

That balance is hard to find though - what details are too much to make it boring and meticulous, and what details do you need to insert so it's not homogenous?

What does it feel like? What does it smell like? What sounds are there? What does it taste like?

That's what immerses your reader in your story.

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Greywind marveled for the thousandth time at the huge amount of firepower such a tiny foe could produce, as explosions rocked the abandoned berm she sat pinned behind. The defensive turrets around the Terran city were blasting wildly at anything that moved, and several things that didn't.The acrid smoke of burning flesh hung in the air, a sight that made her grateful for her self-contained battle suit. Sometimes she wondered what those bodies were doing before they came to battle.
Kinda some poor changes... but do you get the idea? Another thing that tends to draw your readers are vivid and specific descriptors. Rather than say - "the defensive turrets" - you could tell us how many there are.

"the five remaining defensive turrets." There's probably somewhere else that it would be better served - but the principle is the same. When you give us specifics, we know it's something that's somewhat important - and the fact that when these turrets are destroyed, she needs to move, that makes them important.

So... anyway, good luck with this! It has the beginnings of an excellent story!
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Old 06-25-2007, 01:14 PM   #3
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Thanks, As i said, its rather old, but i'll admit to having difficulty with details, seeing as I already know, I tend to forget....

One thing I'm having trouble with is getting the details of racial difference in. besides the obvious, Alarians have a few proportions that are severely off human norm.

Well, I'll work on it. Updated when done. (Maybe later today, more likely tomorrow.)
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Old 06-25-2007, 07:01 PM   #4
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Alarian seems kinda ripped from Altarian Republic...
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Old 06-25-2007, 09:22 PM   #5
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To prove you wrong, I shall divulge the secret origin of them.

I was playing Master of Orion 2. I always play a race using the Elerian Template. The custom race in question was very good at ground combat, so, coming up with a reason, I figured they were very big. Being hard pressed for names at the time, i changed the "E's" in "Elerian" to "A's." Alarian. The rest figured itself out.
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Old 06-26-2007, 01:20 PM   #6
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All of the races from GCII were basically copied from Masters of Orion 1 & 2 templates or someting and another. Namely, Altarian from Elerian... So everything is kind of related to everything there... Hm, who knew?

Weren't the Dread Lords a race in the games? No?
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Old 06-26-2007, 07:22 PM   #7
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They were called Antarans, but basically same thing. I have GCII, but my comp won't run it, (Damn you, GeForce4MX, Damn You!)
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Old 06-27-2007, 08:23 AM   #8
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Finished!, Utterly re-done! complete Overhaul!

Still Titleless

PART 1 Retake


Greywind marveled for the thousandth time at the amount of firepower such a small foe could put out, huddled in cover behind the wreckage of a downed dropship. The occasional explosion rocked the wreckage, and massive spatters of tiny bullets spattered across it’s armored hull. She risked a glance at the city wall, and ducked just in time to avoid having her head removed by a well placed shell.

The enemy’s turrets were still in force, Pounding away at her position, the trio of heavy batteries slowly witling down the crashed vessels armor, and numerous smaller emplacements simply shot at anything that moved, and several things that didn’t.

All at once, Greywind became aware of a crackle of static, and realized that the ship’s radio was still functioning. She carefully pushed her way through the wreckage, eventually finding the miraculously intact radio.

“Javelin Flight, respond, Repeat, Status requested, come in Javelin…”

Greywind snatched up the handset, and locked it into the latch on her helmet, placing the radio itself in an equipment pouch.”

“This is Greywind Kress, with 1st platoon, Javelin was downed, no survivors,” This last made her cringe, seeing the pilots, or the pieces of what was left of them, smashed into one of the bulkheads. “And I’m all that’s left of my squad, the damn Terrans called in air support and that was it.”

There was a thoughtful pause on the other end. “Copy that Trooper Kress, You will hold position wherever you are, we’re beginning bombardment of the defensive line momentarily, stand by.”

Greywind couldn’t believe what she was hearing, “but I’M at the defensive line, can’t you…’ she trailed off. The line was dead. Quickly, she huddled down further into the wreckage, hoping it would shield her from the worst of the blasts, and waited. Moments later, the world lifted itself up, rattled around some, and settled back down.

When next she looked, Greywind found the city wall replaced by an enormous smoking crater, having been the victim of pin-point orbital bombardment. Having been left in the dark for awhile, HQ must have dropped the hammer even though there was nobody left to take the city. Absentmindedly, Greywind Cradled her rifle, and began advancing on the breach in the walls…

- - - - -

Wandering about in the enemy city was like wandering around any of Alaries cities, except in miniature, but yet on a grander scale. If the buildings hadn’t been built to the scale of foot-tall beings, they would be impressive, glass and steel edifices towering 20 and more stories into the sky. Not that that amounted to much actually height, but most buildings in Alaries cities didn’t get past 5 stories.

Greywind marveled at the architecture to take her mind off the dead. The street for blocks outward from the bombardment were littered with the mangled bodies of the enemy. They were odd things, she thought, small and somewhat squat, but otherwise not all that unlike herself. Which, again, made her question fighting them, THEY had started this war, After all, but now both sides were learning that the other was more than they could chew.

The Alarians, Greywinds people, found the little Terrans unthreatening, until they discovered that their technology made up for their size. And the Terrans had found that the Alarians were both smarter and faster than anything their size had a right to be. The Alarians only consolation was that the Terrans were small enough to be easy to kill, The Terrans that there weren’t a whole lot of Alarians to spare.

This train of thought was quickly derailed by a squealing siren, finally let out by the Terran defenses to warn of the intruder. It wasn’t long before a curious little black and white vehicle, decked out with flashing lights and wailing sirens, came speeding down the road towards Greywind. As soon as they noticed one another, however, the vehicle promptly sped off in another direction, and Greywind retreated onto a side street, leaning up against the side of a building, examining the third floor windows while checking over her weapon.

The wailing sirens of the little wheeled vehicle were quickly replaced by the roaring engine of a larger tracked one. Greywind leaned out from around the building, in time to see a knee-high armored personnel carrier start disgorging troopers out into the street. The little move from her translated to quite a large movement to the Terrans, who quickly began firing.

Pieces of the building began to chip away as Greywind ducked back into the alley. She stayed there for several seconds until the firing stopped. Quickly, she took a deep breath, counted to three, and dove out of cover. As she dove into the street, Greywind fired a burst from her rifle at the Terran APC, the first few beams of laser-fire bounced off, but the next burst found their mark on it’s turret, blasting away the heavy weapon mounted there. Greywind rolled onto her feet, taking in the situation as small arms-fire spattered across her armor.

She advanced on the Terran infantry, who began to scatter into the nearby buildings, but caught up to one at a run and gave it a sweeping kick, sending it sprawling, bent at awkward angles. The others were already in the buildings, though, and firing constantly. She turned and fired from the hip, turning one floor of a nearby building into an inferno, then turned to deal with the ones behind her.

Most had already decided against fighting and gone into hiding, but one remained, setting up a heavier gun with panic-driven speed. He had almost had it finished when Greywind simply reached up and took it from him, snapping it between thumb and forefinger, before giving him a dismissive shrug and moving on to the wrecked vehicle. Its tracks were still spinning futilely, as one had come loose, and it spun in a slow circle, at least until Greywind put her boot through it, and it stopped doing anything.

She was getting ready to go further into the city when there was a thump on the back of her armor. She spun around, and saw the Terran who had been using the heavy gun fly off her shoulder, a chain of grenades in one hand, and jumped away to avoid them. The Terran was a good throw, however, and the chain actually managed to stick to her boot, adhered by a limpet on the end. It detonated before she could, figure out what to do, but luckily had been stuck to the toe of her boot, which was heavily reinforced, but now rather mangled.

She had given the idiot a chance already, and simply stomped the stupefied little thing out. She quickly decided that wasn’t such a smart thing to do, as it had made a mess of her boot, and now hiding would be entirely impossible, what with a half-trail of bloody boot prints. Nothing for it now, she figured, and turned a corner just in time for a concussion rocket to collide with her helmet. Her faceplate promptly shattered, and she stumbled, dazed, and fell into a nearby building, almost completely demolishing it. She had enough time to see the tank roll in front of her before she blacked out.

Well, Crit that if you would, and I'll get to work on part 2.
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Old 06-27-2007, 10:35 AM   #9
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Quote:
It detonated before she could, figure out what to do, but luckily had been stuck to the toe of her boot, which was heavily reinforced, but now rather mangled.
It detonated before she she had a chance to think, knocking her off balance. "Son of a!" She muttered to herself as she regained her footing. Taking stock of the damage, she was glad that Alarian armor was tough stuff. Rather than losing the foot, the boot was simply mangled.

---

Or something like that.

It often helps to have others read (like we are), and also, after you've slept, re-read it. I can't remember who the famous author was... some "classic". But there's some book that had an amazing ending, and people said, "You have such talent!", to which he replied, "Talent? No, I just re-wrote the ending about 40 times."

But this version is quite a bit more enjoyable than the first bit I look forward to reading more!
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Old 06-28-2007, 04:33 PM   #10
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srilyk: That's true for all novelists... Like myself, of course.

Durandal: Poor man... GCII is kick-ass, once you get used to it.
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Old 06-29-2007, 09:30 PM   #11
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I'm working on the second part. I've had to look up some information on interrogations, and now have to figure out how to apply them to this case. (Daunting, to say the least.)
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Old 06-30-2007, 06:56 AM   #12
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(Daunting, to say the least.)
*Sprays milk out of nose* I just had to read this while eating breakfast...

By george, if you have to do that... I'm not even going there.

Er... Um, good luck, then!
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:13 AM   #13
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Well, Apparently not. The first rule of Interrogation is don't make it obvious that it's interrogation. Torture is right out. (Even if it were feasible in this case.)
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Old 06-30-2007, 10:54 AM   #14
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BIG difference between the first and last examples!

I wrote a bunch of suggestions for the first, but most are irrelevant now. I note from just a quick scan of your new example that your sentences are more clipped, which is wonderful. It's a problem i used to have with explaining too much in just one sentence (like millions of commas!).

One other suggestion could be to write as it happens. In your first example, she ran out and then we get a description of the turrets.

It'd be better to describe the turrets and then run out. That's what she'll have done, and it means the action can all be handled using references to prior descriptions. We already know that there's only one tank, and that it's tiny. So any references to the tank can just be 'the tank'
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Old 06-30-2007, 12:36 PM   #15
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Hmm, I havn't really read over any of the changes I made. I never read anything I write until i've let it ferment for a few months.

Either way, heres the (Rather poorly executed,) part 2.

(Please bear in mind that I have about 0 examples of how one would realistically behave in such a situation, so you help is rather sought after.)

PART 2

Greywind slowly managed to pull herself up through the fog of unconsciousness, Numb as though she had be anesthetized. As she began to take stock of her surroundings, she realized this was likely the case. She was leaned up against the inside wall of a building, her helmet had been removed and sat nearby, trailing wires and tubing, apparently dissected. The room was amazingly boring, nothing but a grey-walled box with a big set of double doors at one end, a few-Terran sized doors, and just enough height for Greywind to sit up.

Greywind tried to reach up to see if any of the glass from her faceplate was embedded in her face, but found that her hands were bound behind her back, and upon checking, that her ankles were likewise bound. “Goddamit!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, which unfortunately got her into a fit of coughing. Absolutely marvelous. She had been knocked out, captured, and tied up, and now was coughing her head off. It Couldn’t get much worse, She thought to herself, prompting a lock of her long white hair to fall into her eye. Bereft of hands with which to brush it back, she angrily attempted to blow it out of the way. No such luck.

It was not moments later that a number of Terran soldiers barged into the room, to a man holding portable rocket launchers. Following them came a pair of figures that were new to Greywind. One was what couldn’t be mistake for anything but an officer, and decidedly male to boot. That was something new. The other was apparently a scientist, by Greywinds best guest, and of the opposite gender. Greywind smiled at them, and couldn’t help but chuckle when everyone but the officer took a step back from her.

Seeing her nonchalance the Terrans took on a hostile edge and checked over there weapons, just to make a point, she figured, of who was in charge. The officer was looking her over, but when she looked at him, he turned and started conversing with the scientist. Greywind sighed and cursed the Terrans for killing the unit’s Psion, now it wasn’t even possible to converse with them. At least as far as she knew.

After some conversation, the Officer left, saying something in a rather hostile tone, and the Scientist responded in an exasperated one. The scientist turned back to Greywind., and quite surprisingly had something to say. “I have some questions for you, will you cooperate?” unsure of how to respond, Greywind simply nodded, And the scientist turned and sent the soldiers away. After they were all gone, the scientist came to stand over near Greywind, who was shocked enough at this point not to do anything about it.

“Well, First of all, can I get your Name?” The scientist asked, And Greywind, seeing nothing to lose, told her. “All right, I’m a bit uncomfortable talking from down here, so do you mind?” Greywind wasn’t about to ask what it was she was supposed to mind, so she just shook her head. Promptly, the scientist scramble up onto Greywind, and sat cross-legged on her right thigh, Note-pad in hand.

At this point, Greywind considered simply doubling up, and crushing the scientist right then and there, but making a mess of herself wasn’t on her list of priorities, and besides, if this Terran had the guts to sit there, and had taken the time to learn an Alien language, maybe she was worth listening to. Having decided, Greywind simply continued to sit still and listen, peering down at the Terran. She figured it not too unlike herself, several key differences, Pale pinkish skin, short knobby ears, Copper colored hair, Kind of squat looking, but nothing too amazingly different.

“Alright then, Greywind, I’ll cut to the chase,” The Terran continued, “we don’t know what to do with you. Your forces just pulled out yesterday. We can’t give you back, and there isn’t anything we can interrogate you about, so for the time being, you can just stay holed up in here. Until we think of anything better to do…with…you….” The scientist trailed off as it became apparent Greywind was not happy with what she was hearing, and that perhaps the lap of a very large, very angry alien woman was not such a great place to be.

“Maybe you should have told me from down there after all,” Greywind Said, “So how do you expect me to react to that? By killing you? What a great idea, and get blown to bits by the gaggle of soldiers outside that door. If what your telling me is true, your going to have to find a better ploy to get rid of me.

“Well, Actually,” The scientist continued, “my dying wasn’t part of the plan, and those soldiers aren’t supposed to be….Wait, how do you know they’re there?”

Greywind sighed in frustration, “Because I heard them you dolt! I thought you were some kind of scientist?” The scientist was quite taken aback, but righted her self and continued, “I’m sorry, I wouldn’t know how sensitive your hearing is, I’m just a linguist.” She took a deep breath and continued, “Besides, why would we want an excuse to kill you? I don’t know about the rest, but I think there’s been enough of that lately.”

Greywind pursed her lips in thought. How was she supposed to take this? Maybe they were trying to soften her up for interrogation. Or maybe this Terran was telling the truth. Perhaps they had had enough of the war. Greywind had been in active service for less than a year, and she was certainly sick of it. She came to the conclusion that a temporary cessation of hostilities was in her best interests.

“Alright, she said, I’ll keep quiet for awhile, But there are a few things I’d like before hand, if it wouldn’t be too much trouble.”

“Well, I suppose, if you want to cooperate, I’ll see what I could do. What did you have in mind?”

Greywind shrugged, “Nothing important, just un-tied for a few minutes, so I can stretch, maybe get some food out of my pack, and get this damn armor off. It’s been a real life saver, of course, but it’s starting to get uncomfortable.”

The Scientist nodded, “I’ll see what I can do, I’ll go talk to the commander.” so saying she dropped down from Greywinds lap and began across the room.

“Hey wait a moment!” Greywind called after. The scientist turned to regard her. “I never got your name,” Greywind finished. The Linguist smiled, “Catherine Blease. You can call me Cathy. I’ll be right back, so don’t go anywhere.” Greywind just shook her head, at what passed for humor…
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Old 07-01-2007, 04:27 AM   #16
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Just done a quick scan, and you seem to use her name a lot. For a lot of the "Greywinds" how about just "she"? (Remember, these are all just my opinions, so ignore any or all of them if you wish )

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She was leaned up against the inside wall of a building, her helmet had been removed and sat nearby, trailing wires and tubing
try 'Propped up' rather than leaned - I think it says it a little better

Quote:
Greywind tried to reach up to see if any of the glass from her faceplate was embedded in her face, but found that her hands were bound behind her back, and upon checking, that her ankles were likewise bound. “Goddamit!” she yelled at the top of her lungs, which unfortunately got her into a fit of coughing. Absolutely marvelous. She had been knocked out, captured, and tied up, and now was coughing her head off. It Couldn’t get much worse, She thought to herself, prompting a lock of her long white hair to fall into her eye. Bereft of hands with which to brush it back, she angrily attempted to blow it out of the way. No such luck.
When you think about her situation, she's likely just thought "Oh no! The explosion! What if there's glass in my face!?", and then she goes to check. She strains, realises that her hands and feet are bound and sort of slumps back in annoyance. The slump causes her hair to fall forwards, which just caps off the moment. It's a bit less cold if you think of it like that?

Quote:
It was not moments later that a number of Terran soldiers barged into the room, to a man holding portable rocket launchers. Following them came a pair of figures that were new to Greywind. One was what couldn’t be mistake for anything but an officer, and decidedly male to boot. That was something new. The other was apparently a scientist, by Greywinds best guest, and of the opposite gender. Greywind smiled at them, and couldn’t help but chuckle when everyone but the officer took a step back from her.

Seeing her nonchalance the Terrans took on a hostile edge and checked over there weapons, just to make a point, she figured, of who was in charge. The officer was looking her over, but when she looked at him, he turned and started conversing with the scientist. Greywind sighed and cursed the Terrans for killing the unit’s Psion, now it wasn’t even possible to converse with them. At least as far as she knew.
I don't understand the 'to a man holding portable rocket launchers'? Was this a human man who'd been in the room all the time? Did he walk in with them? I don't quite follow that bit. Also 'a number' seems a little cold - perhaps a troupe, or a pack, or just 'a band of'.

The phrase describing the officer is a little convoluted.

As for the rest, I really really like everything from there on.

I get the feeling your writing style improves as you go - kind of like your first couple of paragraphs are getting into the swing of it, then suddenly you're in the zone and you're off! Cos I couldn't really fault the rest.

I especially liked the idea of Catherine sitting on her lap, and the obvious thoughts of 'I could crush you' - and that this suddenly dawns on the little Terran.

Perhaps one idea would be to describe the Terrans much, much earlier (on first encounter, perhaps?). I never would have thought they were human-looking, so suddenly to hear that Catherine has pointy ears and pinkish skin has forced a total mental re-print of the last two pages. I had kind of imagined them being fuzzy critters somehow, which as you can imagine has coloured my impression of them thus far.

But yeh, me likes Hope this helps - you can help crit a story I've been working on in a bit!

EDIT: Oops, just forgot one other thing. You mention the 'Psion' built into the helmet? I think maybe a descriptive name would be better, like just 'Translator Unit'? Cos it took me a little while to get what that was, I dunno whether it's a phrase used in other scifi series' or something? Perhaps using the word 'killed' kind of made me feel that the Psion was more a person than a piece of equipment?
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Old 07-01-2007, 08:09 AM   #17
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Well, lets see. This was just the rough draft, really, so thanks for the help, now addressing some of those issues.

1. I don't know, when theres only one named character, it's a bit of a balance between "Greywind" and "She". I'm working on it.

2. thanks for the bit about propped and that.

3. "to A Man" is a a perfectly acceptable way of Describing a group. so they are Holding Rocket launchers "To A man," meaning they all are.

4.huh? knobby ears means rounded....the Terrans ARE Human. It's kind of a sci-fi tradition to never call Call humans Human. They're always "Terrans" or something.

5. I'll have to clarify Psion, it's not a thing, its a sub-race of Alarian. Theres at least one with every infantry squad, as they arn't quite as numerous. (Not that Alarians are numerous.) As the name implies, they're psychics, of all schools, and simply the best at it. Illithids don't even come close.

Well, hope that addresed some of that, I'll get to work on the re-write.
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Old 07-01-2007, 08:21 AM   #18
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Cool, thanks for clearing that up. Look forward to seeing the rest of it.
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Old 07-01-2007, 08:28 AM   #19
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Here, Lancer Evox2k Was nice enough to draw some pics awhile back. I'm working on my own, somewhat more accurate, ones but they'll be awhile. (i write, my drawing skills sorta died.)

Warrior
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b3...ro/talllol.jpg

Psion
http://i22.photobucket.com/albums/b3...sero/psion.jpg
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Old 07-01-2007, 08:49 AM   #20
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Cool. If you got a minute, could u have a look at post 6 here, cos I'm struggling with my own story at the min. Mine's very different, tis a comedy of sorts.
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